Wednesday, October 1, 2014


I hope I don't jinx myself by writing this post, but I really think a miracle is happening in our house, right now. I don't know why it took so long for this miracle to happen, but it finally is. Julianna has not bitten her hands in anger or frustration for 9 days in a row. Nine days where our house has felt a little more normal, peaceful, and enjoyable. Nine days is a miracle, because we've been dealing with this troubling behavior for almost 9 years, pretty much daily. I almost don't want to believe it, but it really is happening, and it's all because of that 1, 2, 3 Magic program we are doing with her.

It's interesting that I've tried literally every method out there to rid her of this behavior. Chewelry (chewable bracelets and necklaces), flavored chew sticks (we got her chocolate), completely avoiding the biting, telling her to count instead of bite, putting gloves on her hands when she bites (which she hates the feeling of), physically holding her hands down and away from her mouth, the list goes on. Nothing has worked. I guess what I am realizing is that sometimes, when you are raising children, things don't always change when you want them to, no matter how hard you pray or try. Sometimes they change because you felt inspired to take them to a new doctor, who introduces you to a method that you think has no possible chance of working. And then you try it, and it does. It's a miracle. After all these years, we are starting to put this one troubling behavior of hers behind us, and that means our family can be happier. But most importantly, she can, too. She will feel better and more at peace with herself because she doesn't have that impulse anymore.

We are hoping to get to 21 days in a row (the time it typically takes to break a habit) and if we get there, she will get her new doll and her psychologist said she will give her a nice certificate and we can have a little party for her. She's just as excited as we are! When we met with her last Saturday, and told her all the progress she's been making, her response was, "Oh, praise the Lord." And she is right. It took a long time to get to this point, but we got there. And I've had to trust in God for all these years, believing that we could conquer this.

I have been studying the topic "Trust in God" in my scriptures this week. I think it was something I needed to really, truly understand in my life right now. On Monday morning, after I had a quick but meaningful study (you never know when your kids will come storming into your bedroom), I came downstairs and remembered Julianna had to do a make-up math test because she got a low score. We sat down to do these problems, and I thought, there is no way I am ever going to help her understand this stuff. How is she ever going to learn this? How am I going to find a way to help her learn? And how will her teachers and aide do the same? I felt very frustrated and defeated, but we got through it the best we could (mostly me doing it) and I let her finish getting ready for school. Just when I started to feel very down and hopeless about the entire school situation, I heard these words come to my mind: "Trust in God." I immediately felt peace and hope again, and tears came to my eyes. She will be able to learn it, just maybe not right now. But I think about how far she's come in school, and again, I think of the miracles we have witnessed. I never thought she could learn to read, and she has. I never thought she could learn simple addition, and she did. I never thought she could learn to spell common words, and she can, all by herself. Each thing we accomplish with her just takes time, much more time that other kids would need. But she will get there.

Other little miracles happening right now...Nathan knows about 4 colors and can identify them. He has been working with an early start teacher once a week for an hour for about 3 months now, and he's already met all his goals twice in that short of a time. He continues to amaze me every day, and is the friendliest little baby around. Everywhere we go, he waves and says hi to people, and brightens up their day with his smile. He tries to count objects, and he sings little songs, and he knows animal sounds, and he just keeps on progressing rapidly. I don't think anything will slow him down at this point.

And of course I can't forget Blake. Doing well in school, becoming more independent, writing his own stories just like I did when I was young, and becoming an excellent piano player. He even wants to play the flute and uses my old flute to practice on. Yesterday when I got home from the store, he opened the garage door with the flute in his hand, excited to tell me that he could now make two sounds out of it. I love seeing that he's excited to play instruments and wants to do well. And with all that he has to put up with in this house, he's a great kid. It's easy to neglect your child who doesn't need as much help and attention to do well in life, so I am trying to make sure I don't do this. He is becoming a great little guy and will be baptized in just 2 months.

And as for me, I am taking things one day at a time. I started watching the show "Parenthood" on Netflix because so many people have told me I needed to. Well, it has brought back all sorts of emotions for me, seeing these great parents deal with their child's Asperger's diagnosis and then try to figure out what to do from there. I've definitely been there and felt what they are feeling. And watching them go through this process has made me feel like I really need to work on healing the pain that still hides deep down inside me from all that I have been through. I guess it's easier to just hide those feelings away and hope they can stay hidden. But what I need to do is face all of them, and rid myself of them, and replace them with better feelings and hopes so that I can feel truly at peace. So I, too, will get there, will get where I need to be as a mom, as long as I continue to trust in God.

1 comment:

  1. Probably my favorite post of yours yet. I love you, Kera!